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it’s starting

April 26, 2011 , , , , ,

We’ve had almost three years of complete, blissful denial. we’ve lived in the moment, we’ve pushed the past and, while admitting it was there, refused to acknowledge its presence. But now Jack is almost 10 and T is nearly 7. Jack has developed a lipoma and a bad cough that won’t go away. His anxiety, instead of easing with all the positive reinforcement and love & attention, has worsened.

I was halfway to the ER with Pickle this evening when I put the brakes on that panic; the fear that when something, the slightest thing, is wrong, I He’s wiped out now on Benadryl (for the anxiety) and Tramadol (for the pain). I think his back went out, and it’s frightening him and he’s wimpering. It breaks my heart to hear him wimper.

It would be so easy for me to go back just 3-4 years; in fact, easy enough that I guess I’m in a way doing just that by writing this, but I did turn around on the way to the ER. Instead, we have an appointment tomorrow with our vet.

Xrays and blood tests are coming. Diagnosis, prognosis; it’s a matter of time before the weighty conversations come and consume our spare time. How long before we start checking off the positive and the negative in the back of our minds as we drive to work, on errands, going about our business. As we go about our business every day, our dogs age, and will eventually die. And today is the first day that I think I actually admitted that to myself. I took it from the abstract eventuality to a finite point in my future.

Both are asleep on the bed next to me right now, and after this post, I’m putting it all to bed. We’ll get on with whatever we need to get on with tomorrow. But for tonight, i wanted to acknowledge that yeah, I see what’s coming. It always does. Come back, I mean.

I do have to say, te past three years; as Billy Joel put it so beautifully in one of my all-time favorite songs, “I’ve loved these days.”


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I know that harsh reality… but I must say your dogs must have a great life with you as their mom.

Shiang-ling Bissonnette

April 26, 2011

🙂 thanks so much. making sure the time they do have is as good as it can get is all I can do for them; before we hit the harsh realitites.


April 26, 2011

I feel you. The best dog of my life is 11. She just had ten skin tumors removed, she has arthritis in three legs. It’s hard. It always seemed she would live forever… She is snoring at my feet.


April 26, 2011

sending hugs to you and puppers. it’s so hard. but I remind myself, our doggies just don’t live as long as we do. which is good. no one would ever take care of them as good as I do. it’s sucky but a good design of nature.

Cindy Zulla

April 27, 2011

Thanks for that and I am sorry for what you have to go through. I am having a very hard time facing the reality with my 14 yr old dog. He has trouble walking and he too has anxiety. He is well today, loves to eat, hugs and kisses from us. We love him to death and we have that fear of lost. However to see someone else sharing their struggle, at this moment I don’t feel so alone in this journey. I try to see us as just physical objects in a physical world and our energies will find their way. But still how does one prepare for whats to come?

Yvette S.

April 27, 2011

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