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fresh.simple.true.

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No, honey; it’s actually not all about you.

January 29, 2011

You know, I hear brides (mostly on “Bridezilla”) say things like “this is my wedding day, it’s all about me!” or someone crying hysterically because the DJ played the wrong song and they go off on a tangent with that “It’s my day!”

Well, all you brides and wives to be out there, I’m going to tell you something that nobody in the “wedding machine” (as one of my brides brilliantly put it) would ever tell you:

Yes, you’re getting married, but no, it’s not all about you.

Those of you who disagree…well, I know you’re out there but you’re not even reading this because there’s no reason at all for you to be on my site and…I shouldn’t even be talking to you if you’re not here.
If you’re still reading–well, I know you are, and this is getting very meta isn’t it?–and you do agree, great! If you agree only a little, or if you’re a teeny bit upset, let me put my arm around your shoulder and tell something…tough luck! Yeah, it’s your wedding day and in that way, it’s totally about you (and let’s not forget that person you’re marrying). But it’s that part, and only that part.

In my (most humble) opinion, it’s about everyone. It’s about your friends, people who gave up their plans for the day because nothing could stand between them and watching you get married–not even 3,000, or 8,000 miles! Because now when you and your friends get together to play Jenga, this person–this new person!–you’re marrying will be there too (so make sure he/she is good at Jenga).

It’s about your family, because although it’s obvious that you’re having a life changing experience here, remember that they are too. This person, this person in front of you to whom you’re devoting yourself, they’re becoming a part of your family, and you a part of theirs. Holidays, birthdays, hell, Wednesdays–all the days that make up your life as a family will now include this other person. Wow! I mean, this person is going to watch your parents grow old, with you; they may become an aunt, or an uncle, through you. What a trip, huh? And who’s going to meet the love of their life at one of your parties, or even at your wedding?

And it’s your mom’s day and your dad’s day because when your kid gets married, that is…man, if that’s not life changing, I don’t know what it is. My daughter hasn’t married yet, but on the day she does, I’ll have all these things going on, these feelings of happiness and sadness and nostalgia and, just…I don’t know what! It hasn’t happened yet!

With everyone so worried about how you feel and how you look and if you need a drink of water or if you’ve eaten anything yet and did you get a piece of your own cake…just take a second to remember that all these people in this hall/park/beach/backyard have just become part of your history. Honor that. Honor the fact that from that day on, everyone’s life will change in some way–some big, some small. Honor the fact that you and this person you’re marrying–the love of your life–are the reason for that. You’re changing all these lives, at once.

How awesome is that? It’s like, a wonderful life 😉

Here’s to everyone changed by you two and your wedding, and your marriage. Here’s to everyone who changes you, too.

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comments

couldn’t have said it better myself. wonderful images.

amy b

January 29, 2011

Wonderful. Brides who think it’s all about them are the worst. If I ever get married and if you ever see that I am becoming That Bride, you are authorized to send this to me again and slap me in the face.

Dottie Guy

January 30, 2011

thanks Amy 🙂

oh, Dots. I can’t ever imagine you being That Bride. But if I hear that you are, you can most definitely count on me.

susan sabo

January 30, 2011

i can’t believe you wrote this. when i got married, that was my biggest take-away — that it’s about everyone else, those people who have put their own shit aside to come and celebrate you. and sometimes they don’t put aside their shit, and you have to have the energy to deal with that — because that’s part of it too. (for me, dealing with family crap became a bonding experience with my new husband.) whenever i have friends get married, the one thing i tell them is, remember, you may think it’s your day, and on some level it is, but it’s also everyone else’s day.

jennifer konig

February 1, 2011

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